I think this has become my thing now. I love it.

Sometimes I have this intense feeling of anguish and love pass through me that all I can do is stare out in the non-existent and sigh deeply,
Words float around in my head as complex feelings, aching to be put into rhyme and reason.
So many many times, I truly fail. 
There's nothing more I would like to do than pass this feeling on to people who read. 
Nothing more I would like to do than transport this electric buzzing hymn of feelings, intricately strung into a pattern of words and watch it wash over into you. 
I don't know what my choice of form will be but I really want to explore these unknowns. 
There is something incredibly satisfying in sinking yourself and grounding yourself to that particular moment of pure euphoria. 
It's that calming sense of the present, wrapped in the warmth of the past and seeking the cold of the future. 

I languish after the cold so much sometimes that I want to freeze that moment and be there forever. 
I miss the sun. I miss everything about him. 
There is something so secure about him that I can't help but find different versions of the heat I crave. 
But as always I am incredibly skilled in jumping from ship to ship and also in finding such ships. 
There are also lighthouses that beacon to me and call after me but I am just so busy being lured by sirens and chasing that thrill that I don't think lighthouses can ever be for me. 

There are times I indulge myself in questionably embarrassing moments. 
But I like the adrenaline that courses through my veins. 
The ear to ear smile, bringing forth the gushing red to my cheeks. 
My internal monologues are honestly the best, don't blame me but I can't help but be biased. 
But when you couple that with simple inside jokes, I swear there is no where I would rather be than in my mind. 
I like narrating instances out in my mind. Going through them over and over again. 
I enjoy people watching so much that I invent how they are feeling based on their body language. 

I miss my people deeply, so deeply that inevitably they always seem to seep into the kind of friends I make.
My whole life, I have been one kind of person. 
Right now, I am far away from being her. 
But I think, everyone should give themselves permission to go over to the side and really decide, if the grass is indeed greener. 

I genuinely don’t know what this was, but enjoy this dump?

See you soon?




2 thoughts on “3/2/23

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