Respite

Hey,

I am back again but this time with more words.

The headspace that I am in is one of quiet. The good kind. Not the kind that pushes you into one spiral after the other until you forget how to breathe.

I am here to tell you that I found respite in the quiet. I found a way to deny that I am not okay. I found a way to supress the spiral. I found a way to pretend for the good of the outward. But inside, this doesn’t seem fake. Inside it’s quiet, my mind gears churning, soaking up the 4 courses I signed up to distract myself. Churning with ideas on how to mask my face uniquely. Each more time consuming than the last, because as the day fades away, the quiet returns. And everyday is another race to let the quiet reach me faster than it did the day before.

I have had great conversations in these 10 days. Some with friends, most with myself. I have heard stories and gossip and new music. I have eaten great food, good food and comfort food.

I tried reading a thriller but I am unable to go through with it. Apparently the only world I am willing to let myself be engulfed by is the fantastical, fictional world of rom-com, cause what better way to celebrate the lack of sparks than in a world where even the smallest of action is a firework.

Of the four courses I mentioned earlier, one is of the study of mind. Psychology has always been on my bucket list. Nerd alert, I know, but when you fail to understand why your mind is your biggest enemy sometimes having a pre-written manual is a life saver.

Anyway,

My mind right now has the screensaver of the early 2000’s, that beautiful colour changing one.

With that, I’ll leave you be.

Bye ❤

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